I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize
