I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
Randomize
