I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
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