Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
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