I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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