I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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