the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
