whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
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