My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
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