You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
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