There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
