Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
