what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
Randomize
