I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
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