some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
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