Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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