he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
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he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
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Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
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