sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
Randomize
