Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
Randomize
