I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
