if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
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