He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
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