Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
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