he looks like a really good dad on facebook
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
Randomize
