Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
Threesome in a minivan. New low
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
Randomize
