I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
Randomize
