Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
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