Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
Why did my mother make you get naked?
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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