He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
Randomize
