Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
people are starting to question the shark bite story
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
You peed on a flamingo?!?
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