something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
I'm bleeding and have questions
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
