Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
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