There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
Randomize
