last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
Randomize
