Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
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