saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
Randomize
