I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
I think we might need a safe word for this...
Randomize
