he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
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We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
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