Small penises have feelings too.
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
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