dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
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