Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
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