The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.