To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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