you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Randomize
