he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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