When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
