she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
Randomize
