its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize
