I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
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