She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
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