you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
whats a polygalesbian?
lesbian polygamists..duh.
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
