either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
Hippo gnu deer
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
Randomize
