Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
you will always have a special place in my vag
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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