i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
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