In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
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