Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
Still dying that you shit outside
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
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