Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
he puts the penis in happiness.
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
