Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize
