My underwear smells like fireworks.
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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