it was like his penis was on wheels.
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
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