Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
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