3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
id be glad to
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
I supernannyed him into submission
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
Randomize
