The maid of honor just puked.
Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
Randomize
