Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
Randomize
