it hurts more in the daytime
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
